The Grass is Dry and Crunchy on Both Sides
by Aciddrop Kitty
Summary: Megatron kills Starscream... except Starscream is alive and Megatron doesn't exist... or is it the other way around? 100% Pure and unadulterated CRACK!


_Disclaimer: All hail HasTak! They are all-wise and powerful and forgiving! I am nothing... please leave me alone... I'm begging you! AAAAHHH! They're after me!_

The Grass is Dry and Crunchy on Both Sides

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"-No, wait! I'm sorry! I beg you, Lord Mega-" the whiny voice of the seeker was drowned out by the louder whine of Megatron's fusion cannon.

The Supreme Leader of the Decepticons didn't hesitate to blast his Second at point blank. The jet's frame exploded across the command deck, exploding into little pieces on impact with what used to be the monitor console.

Every mech in the room was frozen in silent horror.

When the smoke finally cleared they saw what was left of the silver jet. His optics were shattered, wings crumpled, prone form twisted unnaturally on the floor. Broken wires sparked out of the loosely dangling components, some from the seeker, some from the console. Energon dripped out of gashes from the collision. His systems could be seen struggling to function from the holes where his plaiting had melted off.

They didn't fight for long...

The Air Commander was dead.

Probably.

With a flourish, the silver mech turned and cast a scathing glare at his assembled troops. The command deck was empty in less than an astrosecond.

He sighed wearily and flopped down into the nearest chair, carelessly tossing the fusion cannon aside. Shooting his Second just wasn't cathartic anymore.

The perfect scheme didn't seem so perfect now. Oh he'd killed everyone he'd set out to and gotten away with it and Cybertron was none the wiser, but it wasn't as great as he thought it would be. Everyone either loved or feared him. He had power, respect, legions of mechs eager to lay down their lives for him. Only not.

He didn't actually have control over them. It had taken less than a day for him to see how woefully unprepared he was. Be careful what you wish for, right? It just kept getting harder... He wished they'd just overthrow him already.

Why hadn't they? His stupid, ever faithful, aggravating minions...

He'd blown up most of the planet, gotten them trapped in an endless war, stranded them on a ball of dirt in the middle of nowhere, came up with the most idiotic plans, and got his aft kicked by the Autobots twice a month! Primus! The humans even made a fool out of him! But did his troops ever second guess him?

Well, maybe once in a while, but they got over it pretty quick...

Hadn't the Air Commander proved how moronic he was enough times? Sure it was in a stupid, twisted, over dramatic way, but the seeker made his point. How more flamboyant could he be?

Slagging glitches! They didn't see it.

Sadly he pulled himself up and dragged his tired self over to the broken husk of a jet. Empty optics stared up at him accusingly.

Damn. He really liked that body too...

It was actually kind of fun; beating the crap out of himself when he messed up. He was his own scapegoat. But it got old fast. Keeping two personas going at the same time was draining. He'd lost control; both of them had gone mad now.

No one noticed.

Fraggers.

They couldn't possibly comprehend how hard it was to be two mechs at once!

He gently tried to extract the seeker from the computers. The Air Commander's arm fell off with a dull _thud._

Stupid who-knows-how-many-vorns-dead Megatron! It was all his fault!

He wasn't going to be getting any recharge for a long time in order to fix this... And he couldn't even shoot himself again to let off steam! Maybe he could kill Soundwave and-

No. Bad idea. Bad Starscream!

Soundwave was one of the not-so-horrible idiots.

Slag it all!

Shouldn't someone have at least questioned how his Second was still alive? This had to be the millionth time he'd killed himself.

Starscream wondered if Prowl ever had problems like this...

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_A/N: I have no idea where this came from... but it amused me. I really wish I could have done it better, but the rabid plunnies didn't choose to infect a good author! Blame them! In fact, one of you decent authors should write this properly! Go! Go now!_


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